I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I checked into jail on foursquare
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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