So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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