i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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