I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
