I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
