Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
