I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize