I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've blown a few things in my day
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
