I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
