I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
