I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
