Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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