I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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