my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize