This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
