Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
