Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i will never coherently bang her
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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