Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
