at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
