I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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