You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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