i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
