i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
