Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This baby is an asshole
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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