instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My penis needs a shock collar
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
