I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
