My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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