Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
