Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
