I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize