i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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