you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
