a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My vagina is very pro this idea
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
