Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
