found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
