Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
