Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
