all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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