I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
