Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
