Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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