Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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