She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
