Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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