when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
