1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
