I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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