well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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