how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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