Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
