We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
