Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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