she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize