Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
