By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
