Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
