he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
