when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
