You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
