I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
