yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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