Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Buhtt sex?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
