i already hear my dad disowning me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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