Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
