last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
