4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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