the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
