I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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