so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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