i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize