i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Houston, we have a squirter
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
