I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
