just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Operation Purity has been aborted
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
