Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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