I'm jealous of your bromance
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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