4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
